I Ate Everything on P.F. Chang’s ‘Freakier Friday’ Menu

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My digestive system is about to get freaky.n

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It appears that mylarge intestine is about to get freaky.

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In 2003’sFreaky Friday, the central body swap occurs after mom Tess (Jamie Lee Curtis) and daughter Anna (Lindsay Lohan)simultaneously open a pair of mystical fortune cookies at a fictional Chinese restaurant called House of Chang.

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That‘s kinda sorta close to the name of actualChineserestaurantP.F. Chang’s. And so, in honor ofFreaky Friday’ssequel FreakierFriday(whose four-way body swap is caused by a psychic rather than a fortune cookie, but whatever),the fast-casual chainintroduced a special limited-timeFreakier Fridaymenu.

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If you have followed this website at all for the last 10 years, you don’t have to be a body-swapping psychic to know what happens next: I’m going to eat it.

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That is what I do every single time a restaurant offers a large quantity of food inspired by a standard quantity of motion picture. When Little Caesars unveils a four-in-oneFantastic Four pizza, or McDonald’sdebuts an ultra-spicy dipping sauce in honor of the spiciestfilm ever made (AKAA Minecraft Movie), you will find me manning theintersection of film criticism and food criticism with my laptop andmy bottle ofPepto-Bismol. (Actually, I prefer chewable Pepto. Is it weird that I sort of like the taste? It can’t be any weirder than eatingMinecraft hot sauce for a living.)

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TheFreakier Fridaymovie tie-in meal is a little different, though. For the very first time, I’ve brought my kids to the challenge. No, I’m notforcingthem eat all the food; in fact, I’m not forcing them to eat anything on theFreakier Fridaymenu. (I don’t need Child Protective Services called on me.) But becausethisfilmis about generational strife (andin order to properlytest whether P.F. Chang’sFreakier Friday food will swap my brain into my seven-year-old daughter’s body), I decided todragmytwo daughters to the restaurant with me.

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We’ll see how that goes over. Wait,did anyone else feel that earthquake??? Or was that just my galbladder exploding. Let’s eat someFreakier Fridayfood and find out.

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A whole menu inspired by the body-swapping hijinks of Freakier Friday? Let’s try it and see what happens.

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Oddly, P.F. Chang’s Freakier Friday menu is mostly comprised of … standard P.F. Chang’s dishes. The only new components are two mocktails and a dessert. For an entrée, the chain wants you to buy a lunch or dinner special — one of their ordinary menu items, plus an appetizer and a side.

What makes any of them freaky, much less freakier? Absolutely nothing. This whole concept was incredibly difficult to explain to my children. (Honestly, the entire experience was incredibly difficult to explain to my children. I have to eat this food? It’s connected to a movie somehow? And this is my job? I get paid to do this? They were understandably dumbfounded.)

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READ MORE: I Also Ate Everything on Wendy’sWednesdayMenu

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These defunct fast food items have gone down in history. Wouldn’t you love to eat them again?

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Feeling like their product line was too focused on children, McDonald’s tried numerous ways in the 1980s and ’90s to lure in older diners. That was the impetus behind the Arch Deluxe which boasted “a soft, buttery, homestyle bakery bun” and a secret sauce “for grown-ups made of mustard and mayonnaise.” TV commercials called it “the burger with the grown up taste.”Not enough grown-ups were impressed with that taste, however, and the burger was retired in 2000 after a run of just four years.

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