Top Memoirs to Read This Pride Month

This Pride Month, dive into the lived experience of LGBTQ+ people and learn more about their lives, struggles, and love for themselves.

Trigger Warning // homophobia, racism, abuse, discrimination, mental illness, suicide, sex, sexual assault, bullying, stalking, eating disorders

One Life by Megan Rapinoe

In 2012, women’s soccer superstar, Megan Rapinoe, became the first member of the United States Women’s National Team to come out as a lesbian publicly. Since then, she has become a fierce, unapologetic advocate for various social justice issues, such as gay rights, equal pay, and racial justice. Her memoir discusses her early childhood and political awakening, featuring stories about her facing ramifications for her activism. Despite these ramifications, she continually used her privileged position to help others and encouraged others to do the same. One Life also delves into Rapinoe’s leadership in the USWNT’s decision to file a gender-discrimination lawsuit against the U.S. Soccer Federation in 2019. Rapinoe discusses that being a member of the LGTBQ+ community is more than just about who you date, but rather a core part of your identity that impacts every aspect of your life – including how others see you. 

Coming Out to Play by Robbie Rogers with Eric Marcus

Less than a year after Rapinoe came out, the US Men’s National Team and Columbus Crew player, Robbie Rogers, stated on social media announcing his retirement from professional soccer and publicly coming out as gay. Coming Out To Play discusses Rogers’ conservative Christian upbringing and his journey to self-acceptance while highlighting his role as a trailblazer for openly gay athletes. After coming out of retirement to play for the LA Galaxy several later, he would become the first openly gay male athlete to play a game for a major professional team sport in North America and is the first openly gay male athlete to win a major professional team sports title in the US following the Galaxy’s 2014 MLS Cup win. His activism in the Major League Soccer organization spurred new anti-discrimination campaigns, including their Don’t Cross The Line campaign.

I’m Special: And Other Lies We Tell Ourselves by Ryan O’Connell 

O’Connell’s book is part memoir and part manifesto detailing his life as a gay disabled man and his journey to self-love and self-acceptance. The book highlights the theme that people do not need to lie about their unique qualities or change themselves to fit in. LGBTQ+ and disabled readers will instantly recognize themselves and their shared experiences as O’Connell discusses his struggles trying to thrive in an ableist, homophobic world that seems unwilling to take a chance on a gay man with mild cerebral palsy. While this memoir seems appealing only to marginalized populations, the heterosexual and non-disabled communities will still be able to relate to his stories with ubiquitous intersectional experiences, such as toxic friendships, ugly relationships, unrequited love, unpaid internships, and living on unemployment. His memoir is full of dry humor, typical Millennial culture, and adult content. In 2019, Netflix released the show Special, which O’Connell wrote and starred in.

I Can’t Date Jesus: Love, Sex, Family, Race, and Other Reasons I’ve Put My Faith in Beyoncé by Michael Arceneaux

In his memoir, Arceneaux crafted hysterical, soul-searching vignettes detailing his experiences growing up as a creative, sensitive Black man in Texas. He discusses his journey to self-acceptance in a world that constantly derides and diminishes your humanity, especially if you dare to be different from social norms. This memoir also discusses the intersection of racism and homophobia in addition to telling his coming-out story. Arceneaux talks about concealing his sexuality from his religious mother and homophobic, abusive father while fighting stereotypes based on toxic masculinity. 

A Year Without A Name: A Memoir by Cyrus Grace Dunham 

Dunham’s memoir is structured like a diary: short chapters divulging raw, blunt, emotional turmoil and intense confusion about what they are supposed to be in their lives. They discuss gender nonconformity and feelings of inadequacy while trying to find themselves. As they transition from Grace to Cyrus, they detail body dysphoria, mental illness, and the constant feeling of failure.  Dunham always felt they were doing a disservice to females and never felt worthy of being a man but did not know where that left them. The memoir centers around deconstructing the notion of gender labels and questioning if there are infinite ways you can identify as a specific gender instead of using gender labels with narrow restrictions. 

Over The Top: A Raw Journey To Self-Love by Jonathan Van Ness

If you have always wondered what a conversation with the self-care expert from Netflix’s Queer Eye would look like, read his memoir or listen to the audiobook which Jonathan Van Ness narrates. The memoir discusses his life growing up in a conservative town in the Midwest as a flamboyant gay man. He discusses the years of judgment, ridicule, and trauma he endured while not allowing them to crush his spirit. They delve into their experiences with childhood bullying, sexual abuse, addiction, grief, and HIV diagnosis while briefly discussing their pronouns and being non-binary. Van Ness’s memoir flows similar to how he talks and features the humor and positivity we have all come to know and love about them.

I Know Who You Are, But What Am I? By Ali Sands

Sands’ memoir presents an interesting non-conventional LGTBQ story by asking “What does your partner’s gender affirmation surgery mean for you?” Her memoir is structured like a journal as she documents her emotional turmoil, loss of identity, and challenges she faced as her partner transitioned. Her family rejected her because of her partner’s transition, while her friends constantly bombarded her with questions and accusations about her sexuality. Sands admits she never felt genuinely heterosexual, despite being in a committed relationship with a transgender man, but believes identifying as gay would be too much of a stretch. She deconstructs the concept of sexuality labels and static gender while detailing how what gender your current partner identifies as does not define your sexual orientation. One of the most interesting discourses in her memoir is that not everyone in the LGTBQ+ community identifies by the same labels, and you do not need to choose a specific label if you do not want to. Your sexual orientation is not tangible and may fluctuate over time, which is why Sands opted not to identify with a specific label so much as saying she is not heterosexual. 

Second Son and Transforming Manhood by Ryan Sallans

Ryan Sallans’ two-book series is a must-read for anyone wishing to learn more about the lived experiences of transgender public figures. His first book, Second Son: Transitioning Toward My Destiny, Love, and Life, focuses on his transition from Kimberly to Ryan and his struggle to find love and acceptance. He details his battle with eating disorders as he tried to mold Kimberly into his version of perfection. He talks about the discomfort and body dysphoria he experienced while in an outwardly appearing female body and the empowerment effect of gender affirmation surgeries. 

Transforming Manhood: A Trans Man’s Quest To Build Bridges And Known Down Walls focuses on what it means to a trans public figure. Understanding and discovering your identity in the public eye among the cacophony of strangers telling you how to identify is one of the main themes of his second memoir. Sallans details how his fame came with painful experiences, such as dealing with death threats, stalking, and having religious parents ask how they can love their queer children when they know being gay is a direct ticket to hell. He calls for unity among the LGBTQ+ community to stand and fight for gay rights and help those who cannot.