Bachelor in Paradise, Blake Horstmann, Caelynn Miller-Keyes, Chris Bukowski, Chris Harrison, Dean Unglert, Hannah Godwin, John Paul Jones, Kristina Schulman, Peter Weber, Tayshia Adams, Television

Bachelor in Paradise Finale: Buy Demi, Hold Blake, Sell Chris Bukowski

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Summer is officially over, as Bachelor in Paradise has finished its sixth season and The Bachelor‘s 2019 cycle has comes to a close. It will start over, the same but slightly different, like The Dark Tower, with Peter Weber in the lead in January. But that’s in the future. This is a night to celebrate the hot ding-dongs of Summer ’19, their triumphs, their failures, their bloopers.

The show started with fantasy suite dates at a real hotel with showers and stuff for the four remaining couples. Katie and Chris were featured first, and Chris said he felt like he was falling in love with her and wanted to be with her, which she was not expecting. They went to their room without even having dinner first. While Dylan and Hannah were professing their love, TV Guide’s social producer Semhar Debessai said that they talk the way she imagines mice would talk. Demi and Kristian love each other very much. Clay told Nicole he’s falling in love with her, but he has reservations. It’s probably because Nicole won’t spend four hours a day in the gym with him. He said he wasn’t ready to get engaged to her or move in together. He didn’t want to spend the night with her. So, during the montage where the other couples got in bed together, Nicole watched fireworks and cried.

The next morning, Nicole was still mad at Clay as she got ready for the final rose ceremony. She wore a fancy dress, while Clay wore jeans and sneakers. Not a good sign. They stepped up to the proposal podium, and Nicole professed her love to him, and asked him, point blank, if he felt the same. “I’m not there yet,” he said. He was so sweaty. He said he was falling for her, and could see a future with her, but he wanted to slow down. She said she couldn’t be with someone who didn’t love her back, and she stumbled away from him in her constrictive dress.

Katie and Chris had a nice night and a nice morning, and Chris was finally in love. He said that it’s been hard. Their path to the proposal platform was insane. But he’s the luckiest man in the world now. She’s everything he’s been looking for. When he got down on one knee, she sobbed with joy. “Who’d a thunk,” he said. This was his sixth appearance on a Bachelor show. He’s been part of the family since he was 25 years old. He’s 32 now.

Hannah and Dylan. I think if any of these couples stay together, it’s Hannah and Dylan. Hannah said she was terrified of being hurt again after being dumped by Colton. But Dylan was like, “Don’t worry about it, boo.” He proposed, and she was so excited she forgot to answer the “Will you marry me?” question.

Demi and Kristian are in love, but Demi still thinks Kristian is too good for her. She said it in a matter-of-fact way, not a hyperbolic way. That’s not a good sign. Her insecurity and lack of self-esteem could end this relationship. But that’s a question for the future. For now, Demi got down on one knee and popped the question. Beautiful.

After that, Chris Harrison closed the beach and headed to Los Angeles for the reunion show. Big cheers for Jordan, Dean, and Mike, and a very muted response to Kristina. There was recap of all the drama throughout the season. Remember all the Blake drama? This has been the longest season of Bachelor in Paradise ever. Thirteen episodes.

The reunion started with Derek and John Paul Jones going through their beef. JPJ asked Derek if a man could hook up with his new Instagram followers after this, and Derek said, “You can.” Seems pretty clear that JPJ was in the wrong. He said it was unfortunate, but he wouldn’t apologize.

Next up was the Jordan-Christian fight. Mike tried to insert himself into it, because Mike is dramatic. It got ugly, with Jordan insulting Christian and refusing to apologize for escalating a stupid conflict to absurd levels. They almost fought again, until Demi defused the situation by quipping, “Act civilized, this is a TV show.”

Remember when Tayshia and Hannah had conflict over Blake? I don’t, not really. So when they were talking about Birmingham and Stagecoach I didn’t really know what they were talking about.

What about Dean and Caeylnn? Caelynn said when Dean returned, she went back and forth on whether or not she’d leave with him, but she didn’t really. It was like a five-minute deliberation. They’re still together. And Conner and Whitney are still seeing each other, too. So it worked out for everyone.

Kristina had a great time at Stagecoach. They were friends who hooked up sometimes before — and during — Stagecoach. I still don’t believe that Kristina was mad that he also hooked up with Caelynn at Stagecoach. Caelynn is still maintaining that she and Blake had a real relationship before Stagecoach. Then Blake got in the hot seat to try to get to the bottom of what happened that fateful weekend at the country festival.

Chris Harrison asked Blake how he thought being linked to multiple women was going to play out. He said he was surprised by the anger the women had. Kristina was mad that he told her about Caelynn three days before the start of the show. She felt disrespected for not being told sooner. Understandable. And with his trip to see Hannah in Birmingham, that was whatever. Demi joked that she offended that Blake never DM’d her or hit on her at Stagecoach. Blake felt so bad. “I apologized 19 times in one episode,” he said.

So what happened with Caelynn, Chris Harrison asked. At no point were they in any kind of exclusive relationship, Blake said. Stagecoach happened, and they agreed that they weren’t going to keep it a secret, but they weren’t going to make it a big deal. But then they got there, and Caelynn felt Blake was ignoring her, she got upset and made mistakes. She said the text messages he released were very selectively edited to make her look bad, but he said he had to do it because she was lying about him and he had to defend himself. Caelynn said he stooped so low and assassinated her character and brought a world of cruelty and trolling onto her. Everyone was encouraging Blake to apologize, and he did. Caelynn had nothing else to say. I guess that was something of a resolution, but it was a painful situation. I don’t know whether this tweet is addressed to Caelynn or Blake, which goes to show that it applies to both of them.

Then we checked in with the Bachelor in Paradise married couples. Chris the Goose shaved and got rid of the fade. He doesn’t look good, exactly, but he looks more grown-up. He’s a married man now! Jade gave birth at home because she had an extremely fast labor. Chris and Krystal are working on starting a family of their own. Carly and Evan have two kids already and a third on the way. They did a gender reveal on the show: It’s a boy! And that boy is Wells! He popped out of a cake in a baby onesie.

Tayshia and John Paul Jones, wha’ happened? She made a mistake in breaking up with him. So she flew to Maryland to see him, and the show’s cameras followed. She’s thought about him every day since she left Paradise. She told him she wants to explore things with him, and he made this face of pure joy and wonder. It was so sweet. He asked her to be his girlfriend, and she agreed. They’re still together. Awwww.

Katie come out and said her engagement to Chris was “more than anything I could have asked for… at that time.” They’re still together, but their relationship is not going well. She’s not wearing her engagement ring. She’s giving and giving and he’s not reciprocating. He doesn’t show her he loves her. His words and actions aren’t aligning. She’s hoping it works out, but it might not.

Chris came out and joined her in the hot seat. It hasn’t been easy, he said. He didn’t know she wasn’t going to wear her ring, and he didn’t notice until Chris Harrison pointed it out, and he showed some emotion when he heard that. And then he was quickly back to the flat affect. Katie is very open and Chris is very stoic. They love differently, and it seems like Katie needs someone who will reflect her feelings back to her. Chris doesn’t express himself, except for the moments when he does, and Katie is living for those moments. Chris Harrison asked him if he wants to be in this relationship, and he said yes. So Paulie the stage manager gave her her ring back, and Chris put it on her finger.

By this point in the show, people on Twitter were just waiting for Clay and Nicole to show up, but they were nowhere to be found.

Backstage, Chris was upset with Katie because he felt blindsided by Katie being honest about their relationship. It was painful to watch.

You know who’s doing great? Hannah and Dylan! Hannah’s moving to California to be with him.

Chris Harrison called Demi a “queer queen.” That’s probably the first time Chris Harrison has ever used the word “queer” positively. I’m not saying he’s homophobic at all, but he’s a straight man from Dallas in his 40s. He’s just not a word in his vocabulary. This show is moving forward. Next season he’ll be saying “YAS HUNTY SLAY!” Demi and Kristian are very in love. It’s so sweet. Demi wants to be selfless like Kristian. And Demi is so grateful for Derek helping her through this. They’re friends. Cute! Kristian got the final word, and she had Demi stand up, and they looked into each other’s eyes, and Kristian told her all the things she loves about her. And then she got down on one knee and gave Demi an engagement ring of her own. BOOM! Rose petals fell from the ceiling! Perfection.

Then they announced that Pilot Peter Weber was the next Bachelor. The soundtrack kinda sounded like “Jumpin’ Jack Flash” but it wasn’t. And that’s it! See you in January! Listen to the podcast!

The Bachelor Season 24 premieres Jan. 6 on ABC. Bachelor in Paradise is available to stream on Hulu.

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